Gentle Readers,

So, last Friday I got into an discussion in cortejo's live journal about identifying a poly-amorous (or just non-monogamous) relationship vs. a monogamous one and how the people in that relationship might identify.

So one of the examples was a couple that once a year has sex with other people but is otherwise sexually exclusive. I said, and still believe, that this is not a monogamous relationship as it is not completely sexually exclusive. One of the counter arguments was that this is an identity issue and challanging peoples self identity is wrong. As much as I do agree with that statement, I can't agree with a relationship that is not sexually exclusive as being monogamous.

Over the course of a 5 hour drive to Hamilton, I figured out what the problem was. A person can have an identity. A relationship can't. I can identify as monogamous but be in a non-monogamous relationship (as in the example above) and the converse can also be the case with me identifying as poly-amorous or a swinger or some other non-monogamous identity but be in a monogamous relationship. The relationship is either monogamous or it isn't. Like in the quotes about cheating that random extracted from lightcastle if you have to work to explain why your relationship is actually monogamous, it probably isn't.

However if you want to identify as monogamous no matter what your relationship situation is, that's aok by me.

Not that you need my permission or approval for anything.

Unless you are my 6 year old daughter.